You may have heard about the absent-minded professor who left his ivory tower in the metropolis and set out to vacation in the middle of the country. Having found the perfect oasis he enjoyed a few days of rest and then began contemplating his quality of life. On a whim he decided he would tackle a long-term issue that was small, but increasingly bothersome, so he dropped in to see the local doctor.
Upon entering the doctor’s office, he immediately noticed the simplicity and practicality of the facility – nothing like the elaborate campus and adjoining hospital where he worked. He privately congratulated himself for not settling in an unsophisticated community. Still, he figured he could at least find out what advice this doctor might have.
When the nurse called the professor’s name, he followed her into the examination room, removed his jacket and waited impatiently. When the door finally swung open, an elderly man dressed in comfortable clothes introduced himself. The doctor’s regional twang was prominent and his manner was humble and unassuming. The professor suppressed a desire to bolt by reminding himself that this doctor had come highly recommended and that he was only there for a consult.
“What seems to be yer problem?” queried the physician.
Suddenly the professor heard himself blurting out a question he had been too embarrassed to ask for years: “Doctor, every time I drink coffee I get a pain in my right eye. I think I may be allergic.”
“Is it a twinge or a sharp pain?” asked the doctor.
“A sharp pain,” he answered, gingerly touching his eye.
The doctor thought for a moment, looked at the professor’s eye and asked, “Do you have this here pain when you drink coffee from a drive-thru?”
“Come to think of it, no. It only hurts when I drink coffee at home or at the office,” the professor answered thoughtfully.
“That’s easy,” drawled the doctor, “take the spoon out of yer cup,”
The professor had never been so insulted in all of his life. He had come to this doctor and opened up about a long-term issue only to have him give a “hick” answer. Grabbing his jacket, he stormed out of the examination room. All the way back to the hotel he mumbled about how backward and unlearned the doctor was—proposing such a simple fix for a life-long problem.
The professor never did take the spoon out of his coffee cups. He now travels the country giving lectures on a survey he did on how many Americans felt pain in their eyes when drinking coffee. The survey and lecture tour were generously funded by the government. He now wears a patch over his blind, right eye. I wonder how many major personal and societal issues could be solved with a easy fix?
Consider these time-proven, easy fixes that a common-sense counselor (who is just trying to make life work like it is supposed to) might offer:
Q: How do we keep our marriages and families from failing apart?
A: Don’t get intimate with nobody but yer spouse and keep yer hands off ever’body else!
Q: What do we do about violent crime?
A: Don’t hanker for wuts not yers and definitely don’t kill nobody—specially your kin.
Q: How do you fix a society that is so litigious and dishonest?
A: Don’t take nothin’ that ain’t yers. And, it don’t matter if ever’body n their dog is breaking them rules—don’t you fall for that nonsense of bending the rules and calling ever’thing complicated or situational!
I guess a person needs to decide how simple and honest they are willing to be. Embracing the Ten Commandments would fix most of the world’s problems, but it appears our “advanced” world culture is having trouble agreeing on even one of them. It seems that some folks might rather put their eye out than to do an easy fix.